The idea of being a photographer is awesome. Glamorous locations, beautiful weather, incredible photos that will flood social media and be given worldwide acclaim.That is the idea, but that’s not always the reality.Unfortunately the basic day to day function of a photographer is spending hours behind a computer in a dimly lit room trying to Photoshop about 15,000 photos to create maybe three that seem perfect.Here are seven things we think Photographers really want to say, but can’t:
1. “Stop making that weird face.”
For some reason, a lot more people have strange smiling faces than you’d think. Couple that with asking someone to look excited or surprised, and the majority of the time, the subjects of the photo start looking like Gremlins who are trying to escape a room without being noticed.
2. “Have you ever heard of makeup?”
The number of people who show up to photoshoots looking like Count Dracula after a long winter’s nap in the basement of a cave are astounding. Just look healthy and alive. Please?
3. “Let’s Get this Done Quickly, OK?”
Schedule a photoshoot, and all of a sudden clients think they’ve got your schedule tied up for the next three weeks. Sorry to say an hour session is just about 60 minutes. So let’s get things moving along, shall we?
4. “Is that a costume or the way you actually dress?”
How many times photographers have seen perfectly lovely couples show up, dress up, and all of a sudden look like they borrowed their clothes from the closet of a High School theatre department.
5. “Your kids haven’t stopped moving long enough to take a photo.”
Sure, we love taking family photos. But let’s be honest - if their under five years old, it takes an enormous amount of patience to actually get one photo out of an entire shoot, especially when the kids are moving and wiggling like it is some sort of all night dance contest.
6. “I definitely didn’t charge you enough for this.”
Your knee deep in scene number 14 and outfit change number 11 when you realize, by the time everything is edited and delivered, you’re probably going to lose money on this shoot.
7. “Please don’t be a repeat customer. But tell your friends about me!”
We know you’re supposed to love every customer, but it’s just impossible. Thankfully most of a photographer’s clients are wonderful, but for the few who aren’t...just send us referrals, cool?So for the late nights, the early mornings, the uncertainty of where your next few bookings will come from, just know - you’re not alone. Even when it feels like you’re the only one in the world trying to figure out how to fix that nightmare of a sun glare that seemed to show up out of nowhere on what otherwise would have been the perfect photo…you’re not alone.There are plenty more things photographers wish they could say, but hey, it’s most important to remain professional, right?Most of the time, anyway.
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